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An Interview with Nyarlathotep

During Thursday’s Committee of the Whole nomination ceremonies, reporter H. William Arlington-Thirstwhistle managed to catch a few moments with soul of the Outer Gods, the Crawling Chaos Nyarlathotep. Seeing that Nyarlathotep’s schedule is very tight this time of year, H. William Arlington-Thirstwhistle was glad to have a few moments all to himself with the soul-blasting horror that is Nyarlathotep.

Arlington-Thirstwhistle: So what are your thoughts on the convention thus far?

Nyarlathotep, Crawling Chaos: It’s going very well. Aside from the misguided and fruitless efforts of a valiant few to extend their brief and meaningless lives for a hair’s breadth of my unfathomable and boundless existence, things are working out as planned. There are, of course, the usual problems with police, fearless guardians of the light trying to warn humanity of their impending doom, and, of course, the NRA.

Arlington-Thirstwhistle: I wasn’t aware the NRA had an interest in the Elder Party.

Nyarlathotep, Crawling Chaos: They don’t, they’re just trying to get Innsmouth torpedoed again. Apparently some of their more passionate members have a real thing for torpedoes.

Arlington-Thirstwhistle: I understand the torpedoing of Devil’s Reef has turned out to have unexpected benefits to the Elder Party.

Nyarlathotep, Crawling Chaos: Yes, we’ve got a lot of scuba diving and tourism centered around the Reef now. At first everyone was just looking for gold and treasure, but now most of the tourists are content with a sanity-blasting glimpse into the yawning, fathomless aeons of dread and horror from which there is no escape. They hover for a few frantic moments over that Stygian gulf of water and then flail frantically from the shore, running into the night, screaming until they find merciful oblivion at last. Then, of course, they come back to the bed and breakfast for flapjacks and decaf.

Arlington-Thirstwhistle: You seem to have taken a personal interest in the life and times of modern Innsmouth.

Nyarlathotep, Crawling Chaos: What can I tell you, these are my people. Literally. Most of them are spawned from the blackest hellpits where I spend my summers howling and gibbering madly to the tune of a demon flute. The rest come from Vermont.

Arlington-Thirstwhistle: What do you think of the Elder Party’s chances for nomination this year?

Nyarlathotep, Crawling Chaos: I think our chances are good. The people are ready for a change. They want to bring dignity back to the White House. They live on an island of ignorance in the midst of vast seas of infinity, and it was not meant that they should voyage far. I think what we’ll really be centering on is the vote of the yawping, slack-jawed, swarthy mongrel, rank with the stench of the charnel house, who lurches in the squalid back streets of Jersey and Iowa City. That’s where we’ll be putting most of our focus.

Arlington-Thirstwhistle: Do you feel the yawping, slack-jawed, swarthy mongrel vote can really carry the Elder Party over the top?

Nyarlathotep, Crawling Chaos: Thanks to the media, our voter base is growing by leaps and bounds every year.

Arlington-Thirstwhistle: Thank you for your time, Crawling Chaos.

Nyarlathotep, Crawling Chaos: It was my pleasure.

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