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Cthulhu and the Élder Party are registered trademarks of Chaosium, Inc. and have been used in accordance with their copyright guidelines.

 

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We, the assembled delegates of the Élder Party of America, do hereby swear to uphold the clauses of this contract. Our assigned names and represent our intentions to not only adhere by the clauses of this contract but do everything within our power to guarantee the fulfillment of each and every clause in this contract. We swear to this knowing the inevitable fate that will come to us will be much harsher if we fail.

Article I: The Élder Party will bring an end to an unjust tax system. The average American pays nearly 30% of his or her paycheck in a combination of state and federal taxes, including sales taxes and taxes on alcohol, gasoline, cigarettes, and entertainment. This system of taxation needs to be torn down.

Article II: The Élder Party will create free and fair trade between all nations. The many countries of the world are caught in a struggle of balancing all of their interests against each other. The Élder Party will bring all nations together in a singular common interest.

Article III: The Élder Party will eliminate the need for Social Security. The purpose of the social security program is to make sure the Élderly are taken care of. The Élder Party’s Social Security plan will eliminate the need for Social Security, eliminating the social security tax completely.

Article IV: Each American deserves to be treated with absolute equality. Justice and the government should be blind to race, religion, creed, nationality, and sexual identity. The Élder Party will guarantee each and every individual is treated with absolute equality.

Article V: The Élder Party will extend the freedom American’s are accustomed. We will free you of many of the dreary tasks that plague each and every individual, from paying bills to house and lawn care. Americans have much better things to be doing with their time.

 

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