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Dread Priest of Innsmouth Summons Dimensional Shambler During Prayer Breakfast; Hilarity Ensues

Several Elder Party convention-goers were inadvertenly transported to a horrifying and nameless gulf between the stars where the daemon sultan Azathoth writhes blindly and idiotically to the tune of a demonic flute, when Monday’s Cthulhu Prayer Breakfast went suddenly awry.

"It appears to have been the work of a prankster," Reverend Michael Thomas of Boston’s Starry Wisdom sect confided Wednesday, after casualties were assessed and all right angles of the dining room rounded off with Bondo and spackle.

Apparently Thomas’ speech, "What A Fiend We Have in Cthulhu," was replaced with an ancient and blasphemous incantation from the haunted ruins of Irem, the City of the Pillars, and brought to the convention by The Wizened Disciples of Questionable Enlightenment, a Tsathoggua-worshipping cult from Haight-Ashbury.

The incantation turned out to be a spell for Summoning Ye Dimensional Shambler of Dimensions Much Bigger Than Ye Hedge-Hog, which resulted in the appearance of a fell and twisted monstrosity from beyond the yawning depths of time and space.

The Reverend Michael Thomas, embarrassed but resolute, chalks the incident up to carelessness on his part.

"After so many years, one "Ia! Cthulhu ftaghn!" starts to look pretty much like another," Thomas confessed. "In truth, I hadn’t even proofread the speech. I figured half the convention-goers were hung over from the night before and wouldn’t notice me winging it. I didn’t notice the Shambler had been summoned from beyond the Cyclopean gulfs until he’d dragged off four teamsters and a valet. I was just looking out of the corner of my eye and thought it was that big-ass Samoan chef we hired for lunch break Tuesday."

Theodosius Ambrisious Wittgenstein Lord Palfrey, High Chandler of the Wizened Disciples of Questionable Enlightenment, denied any connection with the event, but admitted to being amused by the outcome, referring to it in the vernacular as "fucking hilarious."

"It was awesome," confessed Wittgenstein Lord Palfrey. "One minute Thomas is going off about dead Cthulhu who waits dreaming, and the next minute a shambler’s gnawing the heads off of some guy in a shriner’s fez. Fucking rules."

Crawling Chaos Nyarlathotep, who had planned to make a surprise speech during the prayer breakfast, but felt "upstaged" by the gruesome and maleficent slaughter that left the Avery W. Lothario Dining Hall a blackened hulk remniscent of the charnel house, declined official comment.

 

 

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