Acceptable Humor Handbook

Sean D. Francis

The President
Due to the sensitive time, it is important that the President is seen only in the best of light. He needs to be able to inspire confidence in the American people. Since he cannot do that naturally, we need to make sure any humor does not further undermine his lack of character. Here are approved topics for jokes about President George W. Bush.
    1. Pets – The Presidential pets are approved subjects for jokes. For example, "Why did India give everyone presents after going to the beach? Sandy Claws."
    2. Accent – The President’s accent has been approved as a subject for jokes. WARNING: This approval may be revoked if it seems to diminish his stature. An example, "Did you hear the President’s invigorating speech last night? Yes, I found it drawling."
    3. Sports – The President’s love of sports has been approved for humorous material so long as it does not imply the President is not doing his job. For example, "What did the esteemed President Bush say about Michael Jordan’s return to basketball? I’m glad he choose to play basketball and not baseball. Hoowee, we had better hitters on the Rangers."

The Congress
Congress is a vital part of keeping the American war effort organized and unified, but since humorists need something to make fun of, here are approved topics and personages.

    1. Senator Daschle – Go ahead and refer to him as Asshole Daschle.
    2. Senator Jeffords – He is a minor player in the Senate, so allow your mind to run wild. Some suggestions are: "What do Jeffords, Bin Laden, and Benedict Arnold have in common? They all want to see America lose!"
    3. Democrats – Always good fodder for jokes. Go ahead and let your imagination run loose. Remember, elections are coming up and it is more important now than ever before to have a unified government. Two parties are one too many.
    4. Republicans – Why make fun of loyal Americans?

Ex-Presidents
They serve no purpose and can be made fun of at any time. Carter and Clinton both are ripe material for jokes. Due to his venerable age and the fact half his staff works for the current government, jokes about Ronald Reagan are verbotten, er forbidden.

The Supreme Court
It is important we revere these fine, fine Justices. No humor is allowed about the Supreme Court.

The Military
Due to the fact that they will have to protect this country, no military humor is allowed. This will include Reader’s Digest Humor in Uniform. This will also include all military programs, such as SDI/Ballistic Missile Defense/"Star Wars"/"Son of Star Wars"/etc.