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Where can I see pictures of primates?
I’ve never heard of a pompous baboon before, but I keep being compared to one.

How can I find someone who moved or changed their phone number?
When Gore moves out, I want to make some prank phonecalls.

Where can I find a map of the country United States?
Dubya is still having difficulties coming to terms with the difference between Washington D.C. and Washinton State.

Where can I learn about the TV show The Jetsons?
Sprockets and Cogs, that is what the future should be about.

Where can I find the classifieds site Classifieds 2000?
That is where the classified information is, right? Damn, this internet! Curse you, Gore for inventing it. (*reality check #1 reality check #2)

Where can I find car reviews for Fords?
I hope they are good reviews. If Ford sells fewer cars, then less oil will be used, meaning prices will go down and alternative transportation will be developed. Oh well, my old company will still have all those government contracts to fall back on, just don’t tell Lieberman, I told him the government had nothing to do with my success.

Why is the sky blue?
Dubya keeps asking, and I can’t seem to give him a good enough answer.

Where can I find the Web page of the military branch U.S. Navy Seals?
My first proposition I am going to make to Dubya is we put Rudy from Survivor in charge of the SEALs training.

Where can I buy videos online?
There are certain types of videos a man doesn’t want to be seen renting.

Whose face is on the $500 bill?
Just kidding.

How can I find the travel Web site Cheap travel?
If Dubya loses the election, I’ll have to pay for my tips out of my own pocket.

What is the value of my home?
If we lose, I’m out of a job, may need to take out a mortgage. Oh, wait a minute, I’m filthy rich, screw you all, I’m going to the Bahamas.

Where can I see pictures of Instruments?
During my visit with the Log Cabin Republicans, they asked me if I had ever considered playing the skin flute. Dubya cracked up laughing. I don’t know what it is.

Where can I learn about Canadian Thanksgiving (9-Oct)?
I just realized George is a unmitigated idiot. If he wins, I may head North.

Where can I take an online tutorial on HTML?
The VP web page would be really cool with some animated gifs and a MIDI playing marches in the background.

Where can I find the current interest rates?
I think that Greenspan is trying to screw me over.

Where can I find resources from Britannica.com on Siberia?
Let’s start the cold war again. That was a good time for the military.

How can I learn to tie a necktie?
Lynne is getting pissed at having to tie them for me.

Where can I learn about daily life in ancient Egypt?
Pharoah Cheney has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

What is the traditional Western symbolism behind the color black?
This has nothing to do with racial profiling, I swear.

 

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