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How much caffeine is in my drink, pill, or chocolate?

It seems all other drugs are illegal, if you can imagine that. But caffeine, I still have my dear caffeine. Don't bogart the Jolt, dude.

Where can I read articles about the political issue defense?

My advisors suck, and I hear the internet is filled with all sorts of useful information. I'm going to piece together a defense policy based off of websites. Power to the people.

Where can I find government information of the type an official Web page for the state Ohio?

From what I hear, it is an oligarchical dictatorship that must be put down. Now, is Ohio North or South of Bosnia? I got a lot to learn before sitting in that Oval Office.

Where can I find hints, codes and cheats for the PlayStation game Parasite Eve?

After I lose the election, Daddy said I could smoke pot and play video games all day.

What is playing on the TV channel or network The Outdoor Channel?

Not only will I get to play video games all day, but I get to watch TV, too!

Where can I listen to music online?

I'm not interested in paying for my CD's I just want to join this Napster craze. It may get me a few of the young people's votes.

How can I book a hotel in Ashland, OR?

And can I do it without anyone knowing? It's amazing how you get followed when you are running for President. I mean really, can't a guy sneak off for a quick snort and a roll in the sack with a prostitute without the whole country knowing about it?

Where can I find the auction site eBay?

Because, well, I'm an idiot. Besides, Mommy gave me a piece of silver from her White House dinner service (not to mention the spoons I stole when she and Dad had me stay over) for good luck in my Presidential bid. I'm sure I can auction these suckers off for a sweet price and score some blow.

Where can I find the Web site for the company Federated Department Stores?

That is the store that all Federal Government employees go to shop at, right? They must have some boss stuff there – Federal Employees havea lot of money to spend.

How can I find someone I went to school with?

It seems after I left Yale, those Skull and Crossbones guys have upped and disappeared. Binky and Biff, Muffy and Steffy won't return my phone calls. Could it have anything to do with that time I floated a log in the hot tub? Man, those were good times, I think. I was so drunk I can barely remember.

Where can I find advice for writing letters of resignation?

If I win the election, I feel it would be important that I officially resign my duties as Governor of Texas. Even though I haven't had to do any real work in that job in the past 8 months, the place runs itself, the people of Texas deserve to know that I've moved on.

Where can I read a review of the movie I Never Promised You a Rose Garden?

I hear it is a good movie and, well, after I lose I will have to remind my wife that I never promised her a Rose Garden.

Where can I find information about the sexually transmitted disease genital herpes?

Uh, no comment. Let's just say, coke and sex leads to life long conditions.

Where can I find the popular joke site 100hot Jokes?

Dad and I like to swap pussy jokes.

Where can I find a directory of information related to the humanities?

If I am going to be the compassionate conservative, I had better read up on humanity, but I don't want to leave anyone out, I have to include all types of humanity…humanities.

How can I learn to improve my memory?

What?

Where can I find information and the latest celebrity news about Madonna?

I love her, that Truth and Dare album was da'bomb.

 Where is the fun Web site Assassinate Saddam Hussein?

Since Daddy couldn't get rid of Saddam when he had half of the U.S. military at his backdoor, I thought I better start practicing.

What is the exchange rate for Mexican peso?

I just love Mexico and since the exchange rate is so good, I'm thinking the U.S. should convert it's currency and move to Mexico and live like Kings! Like Kings I tell you.   And I can be King George!

Where can I see pictures of labor?

I'm not saying I haven't ever really done work, but when I hear other people talking about 12 hour days, and back breaking labor, I want to know what they mean.

Where can I find a map of the state South Carolina?

They like me in South Carolina. I'm thinking that is where I should spend my retirement.

Where can I find comebacks to pickup lines?

Because these women I keep trying to come on too have some good ones.

Where can I learn about the TV show Big Brother?

I figured I will be completing the master plan of the Republican UberChief so I better catch up on police state mentatlity.

Where can I find information about U.S. President Ronald Reagan?

Well, the Republican UberChief didn't leave real concise notes on his plan of global domination, so I figured I'd read through his history and see what I can come across.

Where can I find the official Web site for John McCain?

Why is he still so damn popular? I kicked his ass. I will make that lousy POW pay.

What are the 50 states and their capitals?

If I'm going to be President, I better know.

Where can I find a yacht buyers guide?

I'm looking for something in teal.

 Where can I buy servers online?

Good help is hard to find. I've tried toadies.com but didn't come up with anything.

 

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Copyright 2000 Sean D. Francis All Rights Reserved.
Ghastly Humour is not intended for children under 18 years of age.